promuseboxing | (no subject)

Church and Carolina had been back in Armonia for a couple hours now, most of it spent in a debrief with Kimball about the recon they’d managed to do on Charon and their bases on some of the outer regions of Chorus. Long enough for word to spread that they were back but not nearly enough time for anyone to send word that some weird shit had kicked off.

Again.

Epsilon hasn’t had a chance to insinuate himself into the security systems of Armonia again just yet. They just got off a mission after all and he wants to relax and maybe go harass the idiot brigade before he gets down to the business of mapping out the new areas that they’ll have to investigate. He’s ignored the messages from Caboose that sends because they don’t make any sense. Something about Church being taller again. Usual Caboose shit that he’ll sort through later.

“I’m just saying, what if we just put one kick me sign on Wash? It’s an experiment to see if anyone is brave or stupid enough to kick a freelancer.” Epsilon says, in hologram form as Carolina crosses the courtyard outside of the barracks.

“No, Church, we’re not doing that.” She says, rolling her eyes.

“Oh, come on!”

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Church is, perhaps, not in his right mind.

But in his defense, no one should be expected to be in his right mind after waking up to find several years have passed since the last time he remembers being conscious, Wash has going around spreading the "Church is the Alpha" bullshit as far and as wide as anyone will listen, and Freelancer's craziest AI is masquerading under his name and took his spot on the team and everyone seems to just be fucking fine with it.

So no, he's not in his right mind. He's currently positioned on the other side of the courthouse with the sniper rifle he requisitioned from the armory despite Tucker's comments about his aim because that's his fucking weapon thank you. He doesn’t actually want to kill this Carolina chick — Tucker warned him about her, but there’s no way she could do any worse to him than Tex has — but throw her off her game. Maybe spook her a bit. It’s not really about her, it’s just that she’s apparently the one carrying the Epsilon AI and that’s who he really needs to have words with. And maybe kill.

The sniper shot goes wide, way too wide — one might consider it a warning shot in the loosest sense of the word, but it might as well have just been a random misfire.

"Fuck!"

The thing with freelancers is that they don't spook. The shot goes wide, but with hardly anyone else in the courtyard at this time of day it doesn't take a genius to know it was meant for them. Carolina doesn't like threats.

"Epsilon--"

"On it, Cee." Epsilon answers, already queuing up Delta to calculate trajectory on the shot and getting the results back almost before he's done speaking. "Fuck, did this asshole sneeze before they pulled the trigger? By the courthouse."

When Carolina fires back with her sidearm, it isn't a warning shot. It's a spread aiming for nonlethal, incapacitating shots towards the knees even as she crosses the space with a lot of intent. Epsilon keeps scanning, pulling up a closer shot of the armor.

"Wait, that's not normal armor. That's fucking sim armor!"

Goddammit, not only did he miss (there's something wrong with the fucking scope on this thing he swears), now they're gunning for him at an alarming speed. And also shooting at him.

It's really fucking hard to dodge when you're in sniper position, and Church has never been the most, uh, athletic guy even with a robot body. Carolina’s got actual aim, and while the first shot manages to just graze and ricochet off the armor, the next goes right into his knee — not with the slightest spray of blood, but the bright spark of damaged circuitry.

“Fuck! I just got this body!”

And they definitely don’t make more on this backwater planet. How else was he supposed to get to Epsilon, anyway? By asking Carolina nicely to hand over the chip so Church can fry the thing in a toaster?

Not that this plan is any better. In fact, it’s a terrible fucking plan. But at least it’s a plan that lets him shoot at people, and that makes him feel just a tiny bit better.

The problem with facing down a freelancer paired with an AI is that the AI is an asshole and he’s fully ready to test if that really is sim trooper armor. Epsilon sends a message for Carolina to duck behind cover and then goes into the registry that he’s very lovingly titled “Nasty Freelancer Bullshit” to find the code for armor lockdown.

It’s not a nice thing to do to someone, their armor solidifying around them in a way that has on multiple occasions caused severe injuries.

Then again, this sack of shit decided to take a potshot at his family so fuck him. Epsilon sends out the signal in the direction of Church’s armor and waits for it to bounce back with a signal connection so he can make sure no one is moving anywhere until they figure that shit out.

“Who the fuck is this asshole?”

Church assumed that the next thing he'd have to be concerned about was more bullets, but instead something other really fucking weird thing happens. The environment around him seems to...not disappear, but shift away, and it's suddenly eerily empty. And he...can't fucking move. What?? Fuck???

And then he starts hearing Caboose humming elevator music.

So when Church registers an incoming signal — he assumes this is some ghost shit, unaware that he's tapping into it more intuitively as a not-ghost — he takes the opportunity to, figuratively speaking, grab hold of the receiver and scream, "What the fuck?" at top screechy volume.

Once Epsilon has the signal confirmation that the armor is in lockdown mode he gives Carolina the all clear to come out of cover. Time moves so differently, the various levels of his consciousness dealing with the real time conversation with his sister at the same time he's tapping Delta to analyze the make of the armor that was used against them. He's good at multitasking, keeping track of everything and trying to find the safest path forward.

Except the carefully orchestrated organization of his subroutines falls apart when a counter signal cuts through every firewall and security setting he has and blasts him with a wall of feedback. It feels like it lasts forever but it happens on the scale of microseconds.

One moment Carolina is stepping towards the blue armored soldier and then next she's assaulted with a rainbow of lights and the sound of Epsilon yelling "FUCKFUCKFUCK--" while she rips off her helmet to escape the noise.

And in the background, Alpha's overriding signal unlocks his armor.

Church is very suddenly no longer in that weirdly empty landscape, but back to what he assumes is actual reality, because Carolina's down and her helmet is on the ground. He has no idea what the fuck he just did, but whatever it was, it worked, so fuck it. Time to scramble out of cover and sprint for that helmet while Carolina's distracted.

This is, on just a split second's reflection, one of the stupidest things he's ever done, but 1) he's pissed off, and 2) when has that ever stopped anyone on Blue Team.